I frequently type up my notes ... what I post here ... on my iPhone.  Then I edit on my laptop where I have full function on font's,  screen size, spell check etc.  This morning as I edited the previous post ... changing if to of ...  and fir to for ... then to than ... I saw something I really hadn't realized before, but I think I better think about it.

Well, two things,but one at a time.... what's important ... where I become "pot-committed".

One:  ... but it makes me guarded about what I allow to become "important" ... where I become "pot-committed".  I can see that in my notes here on True North.
I thought about what I allow to become important to me ... I decide those things with my head.  I make my decisions thoughtfully.  What is important to me? ... I'll do some examples without getting too personal.  Anything I stamp with a promise is important to me ... like a marriage vow ... I made promises there ... that's a big one.  I made promises to each of my children when I first held them ... five more really big ones.  I thought about those ... I am specifically guarded about letting people become important to me because ... why?  Those people ... my people (and there are a few others) are important to me ... they are in my heart and will always be.  Sometimes they run through my heart like ... hmmm ... like crazy wild cats ... spitting and clawing ... probably a better analogy somewhere, but not close at hand as I type this out.  I made a conscious choice to love them ... I think love is a choice ... it feels like a feeling, but it is really a choice ... a thinking thing ... or as the country music songs goes ... a thanking thang. 

Flying is important to me ... that one snuck in before I knew to think about the costs ... but I did eventually learn to think about my commitment before I took on another challenge there. I remember when I stopped what I was doing to watch a Navajo takeoff.  It was nice ... sweet little climb out.  That moment I started to say, "I will fly that" ... and I stopped before I promised myself that I would ... because I had learned that decision cost ... something ... and I couldn't make a promise without weighing the costs.  I am passionate about flying, but I have learned to hold the reins on that horse!  That horse would love to run wild carrying me away from other promises.  I did promise myself that I would do everything within my ability to earn the privilege of instructing someone else towards ... flying.  Flying is more than driving metal up off the ground. 

People, in general, and more so specifically as I chose,  are important to me ... but I keep those relationships compressed in to little workable commitments.  I make those promises very tiny.  That love is more like little Hershey's kisses ... they come out of the bowl one at a time ... when the bowl is empty ... no big deal. I do those relationships with very little expectation of my bowl being replenished by them ... .

This notion of relax ... wait ... be amazed ...
The idea expressed by protect, trust, hope, persevere ... love

That stuff is more than an thinking thing ... it's a feeling thing too ... together.  This hurts my head. hahaha ... I may have to let this sit a while.

Two: "Trust can't be tossed out there like a picnic blanket.
She's talking about close relationships ... intimacy. This is what I think ... this thought originated in a place that should just feel but now it thinks first. Intimacy is like an oasis in the dessert ... maybe they exist ... lots of times they turn out to be a mirage ... me? I'm going to carry my own water. That may sound a little bitter here in black and white ... I don't think it is ... I think it is just practical."  I said that. 
Intimacy ... should just feel? 
That day I wrote about ... Monday ... my husband was pretty enthusiastic about my vibe that day ... I was too, because I felt fabulous ... . I felt.  Alive.  Alive on a cellular level. But ... and this is a huge but ... BUT, had I given any thought at all to what/where that/those feeling(s) was (were) generated by ... I would  never have allowed it.  My determination would have kept me from that feeling ... it snuck up on me!  I'm glad I got to feel that way, I was intentionally unguarded.  Maybe there is room for more unguarded experiences ... .  I will have to think about that ... lol. 

 "The cost of a thing is the amount of what I will call life which is required to be exchanged for it, immediately or in the long run" ~Thoreau

In life we don't pay all the costs out of our own accounts. We pay our own way sometimes ... sometimes payment comes out of joint accounts ... you gotta be careful not to steal payment from accounts that aren't yours ... . 
Ultimately, the cost of eternal life was paid for by Christ.  He paid it because we couldn't.  All this stuff I get to do here during life looks towards that ... one way or another.  Alot of people say we humans were created to be in an intimate relationship with God.  Some say it was supposed to be like a friendship (my few real friendships are intimate and increasingly so). The bride of Christ analogy sure sounds intimate.

There is a lot of other stuff I'm thinking about with in this context, but ... blogging time is short.