The recently stated fact that everything grows like crazy here in the deep south took me on a inspection tour of the boys bathroom in my house. "Rut Ro"! Even windows that are never used are collection sites for the insidious mold that proliferates here! And what is the deal with the grout at the seam where bathtub meets tile? I had to get on a step ladder in the laundry closet to reach the bin with the deep cleaning grout cleaner ... to not enough avail! I like to clean with an industrial strength cleaning product ... something that makes good on the threat to disintegrate the cleaning brush as I go along ... I like competitive cleaning ... ultimate sparkle. Clorox clean ... it's a bit much really.

Today I am battling more then twisted toothpaste tubes and rusty razor cartridges lurking not quite in the waste basket. I said I wasn't going to do this ... I really should have promised myself. Tonight is the first night of the ground school class that I loved to teach ... someone else will be teaching it tonight. Everything I've said here about being glad that I'm not in that mess is true ... but I so wish it weren't a mess. It was smart of me to set up a community ground school ... that's not off the shelf yet ... won't start til March ... and who are those guys going to be ... sport pilots ?!?. I am doing what I can but ... well, today I am just feeling sorry for myself. So.
So ... I went looking for trouble in the boy's bathroom. All the walls are bleached. I am so glad that blue stuff that showed up in the toilets has been flushed away ... I do not like the tidy bowl guy boating in my tank. I installed that toilet all by myself and I found some comfort in that fact today. I have skills. The exact nature of my thinking doesn't need to be spelled out for posterity, but it is nice to realize that s*** happens and it is advisable to flush.

I thought I had. Then I woke up this morning ... after sleeping well and late ... and I felt malice. I told myself to get up and shower that silliness away, but I didn't. I lay there thinking mean thoughts ... thinking to circle back and inflict some damage. Then I thought, "Well, it's good that you are not there. It's good to not wallow in hatefulness ... and that was the next stop on that particular adventure." Then my phone rang and it was H's little cheerful voice and I quickly raised the shields on my ugliness because some stuff you just don't want your friends to know you're capable of ... . She would tell me that God is looking out for me, and she'd be right. She would remind me that everything is looking peachy for me to start instructing very soon. Why did she have to call right when I was really getting my badword on?
So, I did get up and make some stupid coffee and two loaves of stupid banana nut bread ... and then I started going through baskets of stuff on the shelves in the laundry closet ... busy busy all day ... 'til now as I sit here trying to recover from the Clorox fumes. My hands feel quite clean.
I asked my husband to take me out for awhile tonight ... something that requires walking. I don't want to waste any of myself on this issue. I don't like that it's been on my mind today. I decided how I was going to handle it ... I had the luxury of deciding how to handle it ... I would be impressed with someone else handling it as I did. Why ... what is this urge to turn around and run at it again ... angry ... pissed, in fact.

I gotta find some let it go. If this were some one else's problem I'd encourage them to forgive. Even with the smell of clorox lingering I'm thinking Forgive is for sissys. I obviously have some work to do here. I'll hit that closet under the stairs tomorrow ... I put it off because I bump my head in there everytime I try to tidy it up ... head bumping may be just the thing.