Just completed filling out a stack of papers for the application to flight instruct for the job I really want. I can feel my desire for that particular thing coiling through me. This job represents what I thought I was working for when I took on the challenge. The path to here has been ... trying. I do not like how I feel today ... right now. My flight hours for the past 12 months don't look that great. I don't feel as confident about demonstrating the skill set in the airplane as I would like. I like to be pretty close to amazing. The fall from that pinnacle has me feeling bruised and unsure. All the swagger will be bluff ... And of course the interviewers will know that. Here's what I am telling myself as I buck up to deliver the application: I am qualified to do the job. I will work very diligently at delivering an outstanding performance for the student and the school. I will do my best. Yes, it is true that my best has deteriorated over the past several months of relative inactivity, but ... The best I have today is all I can offer.
It surprises me that I at this time in my life can be ... how I feel. This has been important to me for several years now. I have reluctantly stepped away from this twice now ... . This is an okay thing to want. This is an okay time to want it.
Okay ... . It feels like falling ... . I don't like this feeling.