image from Pinterest ... idk
this cross section is a tiny representation of the "shell"
 the shell is a relatively insignificant vessel for what is contained
this is beautiful, but if it were all I could see ... I would have no clue of what "it" is or might be.

I am thinking about how in a relationship ... any relationship ... we "see" something or somethings specific ... here ... like this quote:

"Without wearing any mask we are conscious of, we have a special face for each friend."  Oliver Wendell Holmes

I am exactly me (though that is constantly becoming) and you are exactly you (again "alive" and therefore modifying for lack of a better description), yet when I "see" you I see ... only what you can/will show me + only what I can/will see and that impression  ... I "experience" within my limitations and filters.  And then ... I bounce back to you something.  
If you are gratified by my response to you ... that quality within yourself that I am responding to will be nourished ... and strengthened.  We shape each other with our interactions.  We draw out and strengthen bits of each other, sometimes to our edification, sometimes to our detriment.  We take that "revised" self on to other interactions.


Any quality or characteristic, either "good" or "bad" when stroked will increase.


We had a cat who was most excellent ... except in relationship with our youngest child.  She was very afraid of the cat and would shriek and run away when accidentally coming upon him ... he would stop whatever lazy cat game he was indulging himself in and give chase ... swiping at her as though she were "prey" ... she drew out the predator in him ... she acted like a mouse and he responded by becoming a terrifying jungle cat.  She helped him feel powerful and he liked that.  He was just a house cat to the rest of us.
So ... that is a negative example.  I respond to your ______________ and your _____________ becomes more apparent in our interactions. And ... in your interactions at large.
The positive examples are so easy to see ... 
I express gratitude and you become even more generous with me.  
I admire your _____________ and your ____________ becomes more evident in our interactions.  
Maybe that "strengthens" you in a soul nourishing way, maybe it just "puffs" you up which would be detrimental.
I look at a person and see a very small part of who they are or potentially are ... as looking at a very big picture framed in a tiny frame ... everything outside the frame is un-seeable to me ... I see the person only as what I see through my very limited perspective ... those aspects are magnified. 
Hmmm ... I see a "different/not like me" man and I somehow believe "this is what/who/how a "that" man is ... I see "That" man through my tiny "that" frame ... yes, everything I thought I would see is right there and ... maybe I look no further ... for all kinds of reasons both good and bad, I look no further at "this" ... "That" man is only "that" to me and his "that-ness" grows in our interchange ... he takes his "that-ness" on to the next interaction.  I help tell him who he is.  He is helped towards his "that-ness"  as he sees what I reflect back to him.  He helps me see myself a certain way as well. That is something about why we value ... how we value ... that may be something about cherishment ... about respect.
If we like how this "seeing" makes us feel ... we may continue to look.  If we don't ... we may look away if we can.  Laughing here as I think, because ... maybe we have to keep an eye on "that" ... that we watch so that we can ... hmmm "see and avoid" in doing so "that" is paid attention to and becomes even more prominent.  I think we do somehow enhance qualities in others ... I feel more like me with some people then with others ... and sometimes I am "on guard' ... sometimes I am chilled out nd sometimes I am not.  It is easy for me to think of people who  always, invariable feel good with.  And ... there are people who are simply difficult to be around ... maybe we do not bring out the best in each other ... maybe we do ... easy is rarely a place to grow I think.  No ... that is not right.  I have friends who challenge me to be my best version and are also very very easy to be around.  But, it is true that making the best of "difficult" has value too.


Here ... we converse and you indicate to me that you are my friend (or enemy) ... friend means something particular to me ... does it mean the same thing to you ... accepting a stranger as friend is a shortcut to somewhere else ... it is a shortcut to where I "need" a friend ... it is a shortcut to where one may act out their version of "friendship" and ... that place is unknown. I think even our most intimate "friends" are strangers because we "see" them in a limited way ... and we enhance what we see ... we draw out what we are able to look at.  I think I would like to "see" the people I love ... more ... through a bigger frame.  I love the line in Avatar, the movie, "I see you" for this very reason ... we all want to see and be seen ... we need each other to help us see ourselves ... we need each other to help us "find" our better selves.  


Well ... this is some rudimentary cogitating.  I am thinking about this.

Each friend represents a world in us, a world possibly not born until they arrive, and it is only by this meeting that a new world is born - Anais Nin 

~ Henry Domke