31 32/1000

31L poked his head in while I was talking with my brother ... "Ask him about the car" he said, and I did. Shot from the hip diagnosis was probably a hydraulic clutch, out of fluid, inlet on firewall, check there first for fluid, hopefully there will be no air in the line, but if there is ... Blahblahblah. I think he is a genius. Problem probably solved he is ready for the next topic, which is what am I hearing from my boy (the one who is in school about an hour away from his uncle) ... "Well he has been way too scarce" my brother says "I know it takes some work to earn grades you can be proud of, but he needs some down time too". I know what the problem is ... "I told him to go drink some of your beer between semesters, but he didn't have extra gas money ... I know that for a fact ... and he will never tell you that 'cause it would sound like he was asking for money. He underestimated how many quarters it was going to take to keep the air conditioner blowing ... And no telling what else ... I don't think his finances will get much better anytime soon". I can tell by the extended silence that he had never thought of that. "Well, I'm just gonna havtah tell him if he wants to make his way over here, we'll send him home with a full tank ... ". He might accept that. My brother lost his two kids in a very messy, very ugly divorce ... his badly burnt hand is always stretching towards them. "... and tell L that he can call me back about the car if that's not it, but I don't want to be talking through you". That raised my eyebrows and made me smile at the same time. When I gave my husband the download on the car complete with that last bit, he said, "Did you tell him that you are the one who is going to fix it"? "No, because I am not". Yeah, it kind of did torque me. "Why not? You're a lot more mechanically minded then I am!"
32"Because I am a girl".
It's this way I'm feeling now ... It's really good. I don't want to think about it now ... Like this year, but I see this as excellent. This is a new perspective in action. I can feel the story of this response in me ... I had been doing stuff that made me feel bad, just because there is so much to do and someone has to do it. My husband works hard too, but I am not helping anybody out by doing stuff that makes me feel bad and fixing my feelings by just not feeling. I'm figuring that out.