The way to love someone
is to lightly run your finger over that person's soul
until you find a crack,
and then gently pour your love into that crack.
~Keith Miller

Tuesday, September 20, 2011

Yes ... Weeding. I may be a natural born weeder.

Sammy came around and sat near me as I worked. It's hot and humid now ... Steamy still from the rain last night. That bed surprised me by being full of ants. I didn't plant impatients, poppers the kids call them because of their cool seed pods ... no impatients this year ... Watering them would have been too much effort on top of everything else. So ... This summer a few shallow weeds have taken hold ... and in the brick side walk too. Not like me. I have been looking the other way some, maybe more then I ought. This summer I focused on V, and on disciplining my stray thoughts away from unproductive tracks. I am trying to cover myself up with good stuff to think about when I wake up at night.

On flying ... Today I saw where one of my buddies who finished his CFI certif right before me ... The very day of the gear up matter of fact ... Well ... He's at the regionals now fully entrenched and ready to start bitchin' about overnights in Mexico. Yeah ... I started to lick that wound but I made myself stop. My husband asked me what I do around here to earn my keep ... Hmmm, was it last weekend or the one before. On Sunday he and I walked in to town together ... And I told him that something important to me recently died, and I'm just doing the best I can to reboot myself. It's really starting to feel like something I used to want to do ... instructing and commercial flying.
I remember when we moved away from Ft. Worth. I didn't want to. I was happy there with my two little children and friends to enjoy life with. Ft. Worth had been home to me ... The home I chose and I really loved those years there. When we moved to College Station ... I knew it was temporary and I was also working full time while L earned his PhD. Then over here. It took me awhile to adapt ... but I have. If we had stayed in Ft.Worth I woulda never learned to fly in the first place. I would have stayed in the box with my buddy girls over there. I don't know which ways I might have grown over the years, but not towards flying I almost certain ... We were girls with big hair and fancy closets. This has been a much better life for me. I would have resisted the change if I understood that you never go back, but I am truly thankful that I got to get out of that box. One of my college roommates lives over in Atlanta now ... I don't think we have enough in common to even make it through a lunch. Third husband is a pilot ... she loves to complain about how crazy his schedule is ... You start out a trophy wife and end up with a trophy husband ... .
Uhhh ... I thought I was thinking about better stuff but apparently no so much! What I was thinking is that even if I want to stay where I am so comfortable and happy ... now that is in an airplane ... Maybe I'll get a few years later and see that the fork in my road directed me towards where I really wanted and needed to be and just didn't have enough sense to find on my own.

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