Joshua Fit the Battle of Jericho ...

Linked under this post title is a pretty cool version of this old Spiritual. I grew up hearing the Elvis Presley rendition, and my dad was a guitar playing man. He played this slower, more reverently ... Bluesy similar to Wolfgang Vrecun... I'll link it in the next post bc that seems to work on iPad.

Anyway, my dad played this song and I've been hearing it all my life. Joshua. One of my favourite Bible guys. I like him because he consistnetly did what he thought God was asking him to do ... and what makes that meaningful to me is that what he actually did didn't seem to make much sense, but he did it anyway. He was good at being him.

I've been not sleeping well the last few nights. I blamed it on the jalapeños but I don't think that's really it, cause every time I wake up I am fretting about flying stuff. I've looked at this from pretty much every angle I can see. The bottom line is, I wanted that job so bad and worked so hard for it that I just am having trouble letting it go. You know, it's just the weirdest thing. We used to have a dog, Mach, the smartest little wire-haired fox terrier ever. I loved that dog. He delighted in playing tug of war with an old towel. We could say "go get it" and he would shoot off and come back with his towel. Sometimes I'd play towel games with him outside ... I'd make sure he had a strong hold on his end then I start spinning around and around lifting him up off the ground ... Flying in a circle of fur and mirth til we both fell down dizzy. I'm lucky he didn't throw up on me! ... and he would never let go of that towel. That's how this is ... It's like I've bitten in to this thing and it spins me round and round ... and I just won't let go. 'Cept, this isn't fun ... this wants to make me sick. How I really feel about it is ... okay. I spent a good amount of time learning some super important life lessons in the coolest classroom in the world. My frame of reference for a lot of life things are airplane things. Even things like giving blood are so much easier because when I get scardycat, I remind myself of other stuff ... Airplane stuff that used to seem kinda scary ... til it didn't. Everything is hard before it's easy. I am grateful ... all the way down to a molecular level ... the qi that is me ... loves flying. I like everything about it from weather ... to the genius of the mechanical systems ... aerodynamics ... I could go on and on ... and, I've barely scratched the surface of where all aviation can take a person ... in both life and in metaphors. It's just cool on so many different levels ... I'm sure I will enjoy it for the rest of my life ... It's all good. I don't feel animosity that the job I wanted didn't happen ... The guys I worked with and the guys I trained with are all gone now ... It's a different shop. I'm not willing to work six days a week every week, so I can see that that is not a good fit for me, or for them. That's all good. I've looked at every possibility near enough to my home and so far there are not any workable options. I'm okay with that. Why this pains me when I'm sleeping ... I don't know. My husband wanted me to tell him what is waking me up so much and I wish I understood it myself. All I can articulate is ... I think I did everything I was supposed to do ... I worked hard, I was successful, I hopped over the hurdles, wasn't unkind or unprofessional ... I've been a team player ... Yeah, the one guy seems to not like me, idk why and it doesn't bother me, we all have our stuff to deal with, and I don't try to figure out what's going on there ... it is what it is ... I truly believe if I was supposed to be working there that I'd have a job there ... I think God is able to open doors and close them ... I am comfortable with all of that. I wake up and I shhhh myself, and I ask God to hold me because I don't want to start thinking wrong about this thing that is so important to me and has been ... It is a vehicle ... I trust God to steer it ... I don't even know where he wants to go, but I know it will be a good place. I think we are already living eternity, not just getting ready for it. I feel so fortunate to be in a position where I want to listen to God ... Lots of people take harder roads to that place.
This morning I told my husband that thing I posted yesterday about suffering shaping a soul towards what? Could we say an ability to experience God's love ... It looks a little twisted written just like that.
This morning my husband made me laugh reminding me of Joshua marching around Jericho. "Do you think people were laughing at him? Maybe throwing stuff at them from the top of the wall ... Hurling taunts and insults. And then on the third or fouth lap, his own guys grumbling ... Questioning his sanity ... Imagine him waking up knowing that he would be marching again today." It made me laugh when my husband said that little horn blowing must have gotten on his nerves. My husband said nothing about that could have made much sense ... And the little horn blowing ... drawing attention ... here we are doing what we think God told us to do, bizarre as it seems.

It doesn't always make sense. I did do what I thought I was supposed to do in this area of my life.
Right after breakfast I went out front and worked in my yard ... Planting pansies ... Putting some mums in a container ... Trimming hedges, training the new shoots on my rose vine ... I sat still trying (unsuccessfully) to get a nice shot of the big black crows who are picking at pecans under the shade of that tree I like to watch. A little C172 flew over. I didn't wish for even a second to be there rather then where I was. That's how I really feel. I just don't understand why I can't quite let go of the towel ... .