The way to love someone
is to lightly run your finger over that person's soul
until you find a crack,
and then gently pour your love into that crack.
~Keith Miller

Wednesday, August 3, 2011

reaching for an invisible hand

I was really surprised as I began looking at possible meanings for the symbols in that dream. 

V, my youngest child, was telling me about something she has recently read ... a random item from her Yahoo homepage about dreams. She said there are about ten very common dreams which transcend cultural borders ... and we talked a little bit about that and dream research. From that conversation I thought to google dream interpretations and was surprised at all the resources available for just that. I think dreams are interesting, but I had no idea that all this dream stuff ... some probably real science ... some wooo ewww ewww was "out there". So, I thought it would be entertaining to look at a dream that I had already written down in some detail ... plug in some words and see what emerged. What did emerge pretty much amazed me.

I knew I had a thing ... a pretty big deal thing ... that I was unable to deal with. How did this happen, why didn't I see it coming, what could I have done sooner ... better, what now ... words like those continuously hummed through me ... casting shadows on sunny days and during the night waking me with silent frettings sliding over my cheeks. My soul sighed. I did pray about "it". I prayed about it like a person being dragged behind a runaway horse prays ... I prayed for it to stop ... I prayed that the horse would get tired ... I prayed that I would not be broken ... eventually, I figured that I had been tangled up in that rope for so long that I wouldn't be able to walk again, much less ride again. I really couldn't see God anywhere in it ... So, I asked an invisible God to think about it ... something akin to giving up it seemed to me. I guess it's accurate to say I trusted God enough to trust Him a little bit when I asked Him to think about my big deal thing. My thing had worn me out ... no optimism to tap in to ... no let's come at this from a different direction to scrape together at the bottom of my barrel ... honestly ... I was past give up ... the pretty big deal thing had me feeling too broken to even wave the white flag. So ... asking God to think about it was a battered soul's whispered plea. I didn't have the energy to hope for much. I'm not sure I would call it faith or trust when one reaches for an invisible hand. 2 Corinthians 12 talks about a thorn, a messenger of Satan. I don't know what Paul's thing was, but I do understand torment and, my soul accepts the shelter of this verse: My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness. 2 Cor. 12:9
I really want to be able to say "I did my best". What I have recently learned, is my best is asking God to do His best. ... It took me awhile to figure that out!

I believe life is a tiny time during eternity ... a time when each of us gets to decide what we are going to do about the question of God. I think of it a little bit like the movies; The Matrix, or Avitar, or Inception. I believe life really is a lot like a dream. A dream where we are born asleep and asleep dreaming is all we really know, so we think it is real ... and really important ... and we buy in to the distractions of chasing a good life ... And then ... the good life is over, and we wake up ... and we find out that none of this really mattered ... it was all supposed to be about how you chose to address the question of God. Is there a God? Am I His? What does that mean?

There is a story which my soul is trying to get me to hear ... a story that my consciousness, sleepy though it is, gets to help write ... .

Elie Wiesel has been quoted as saying "God created man because he loves stories." I think that's pretty close to right on target. I think it's just a tiny bit more then that though. I think He wants to participate in the story writing part. I think it's a bit of a love story He has in mind ... .

The little paragraph in the story that my little "loop dream" was trying to tell ... the important part of the story is about trusting God. Proverbs 3:5&6 says: Trust God from the bottom of your heart; don't try to figure out everything on your own. Listen for God's voice in everything you do, everywhere you go; he's the one who will keep you on track. Trust is the on track of my own True North ...

I needed a slightly different perspective ... God made a way for that to happen. It's a really good story.

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