I said something like "it takes a lot of energy to fuel that passion" and I have been thinking about it today. And also in the context of how I felt that day when I felt so exactly how I want to feel. Whatever it is that makes me me was active that day. And in a sense, or to some extent I feel that way in the air too. I am concentrating more when I'm flying so more intellect is engaged then just walking around spreading the joy. Ummm ... I feel de-energized right now. Because it lights me up so well to dial it ... Off ... Leaves a big quiet still vaccumn. Maybe I am addicted to flying. I don't want to be, if I am or have been. The disappointment of how this hasn't worked out is somewhat numbing. I can handle disappointments. I'm very resilient ... You'd never guess it just looking at me but, I am. I'm kinda having to figure this out. It really is not going to work out some how. There really is nothing I can do ... that I would be willing to do ... Bummer. I know I need to find something else. I'm trying to choose well. I like being around people ... Until they start talking (lol). Hmmm what can I do for a year before we leave for sabbatical? What would be useful that wouldn't get me stuck inside all day.
It hurts like new shoes. Yes I see how spoiled that is. But I'm really not ... I'd like to find something worthwhile to do. That's how I got here in the first place. There must be something just right for me ... What is it?