The way to love someone
is to lightly run your finger over that person's soul
until you find a crack,
and then gently pour your love into that crack.
~Keith Miller

Saturday, August 13, 2011

I said something like "it takes a lot of energy to fuel that passion" and I have been thinking about it today. And also in the context of how I felt that day when I felt so exactly how I want to feel. Whatever it is that makes me me was active that day. And in a sense, or to some extent I feel that way in the air too. I am concentrating more when I'm flying so more intellect is engaged then just walking around spreading the joy. Ummm ... I feel de-energized right now. Because it lights me up so well to dial it ... Off ... Leaves a big quiet still vaccumn. Maybe I am addicted to flying. I don't want to be, if I am or have been. The disappointment of how this hasn't worked out is somewhat numbing. I can handle disappointments. I'm very resilient ... You'd never guess it just looking at me but, I am. I'm kinda having to figure this out. It really is not going to work out some how. There really is nothing I can do ... that I would be willing to do ... Bummer. I know I need to find something else. I'm trying to choose well. I like being around people ... Until they start talking (lol). Hmmm what can I do for a year before we leave for sabbatical? What would be useful that wouldn't get me stuck inside all day.

It hurts like new shoes. Yes I see how spoiled that is. But I'm really not ... I'd like to find something worthwhile to do. That's how I got here in the first place. There must be something just right for me ... What is it?


Ron Amundson said...

Addiction to airplanes is a very real thing, I've seen it a great deal over the years. In following your blogs and such, you seem far, make that very far from it.

Yes, the big about the mind/brain loading is truly amazing, and the high level of engagement can be a huge balance to whatever else one has going on in their life.

One thing to consider, is that when one accomplishes a major goal... whether you follow through with a new job, or not, there is semblance of coming crashing down off the mountain. Granted, a new job will obscure this, often for quite a while, but it often does show itself one way or another. There is a period of "figuring it out" that we must go through.

In my case, from CFI to really actively instructing took 3 years for the right fit to line up. I could have been full time from day 1, alas, such was not an option. Likewise, I could have traveled 2 hours to instruct part time... I've done 90 minute commutes, but it is not long term sustainable.

The one thing in aviation, is change is constant. Likewise, when off the saddle for a bit, it doesn't take long to get back on, especially in the teaching realm. I went from 0 hours in 2 years to 30 hours a month... It only took me about few hours of dual before my future employer was ready to put me on the schedule.

Ron Amundson said...

One other thing to consider...

Very few flight instruct at night, as few CFI's are willing. Most dont even ask CFI's as they assume the answer will be no. Such was a niche I had for quite a while as a part time CFI. Saturdays were family day, but during the week, I'd fly up until midnight after a full days of work sometime. It was funny... there was a period of time I had more hours of night flight than day! It was a win win for all. I got to teach, students got a new scheduling option, and the FBO picked up more hours on aircraft that normally would be hanger bound.

DeAnn said...

Yeah, I would be happy to instruct at night. I would like those very motivated learners, and I love to fly at night anyway.

Thank you Ron, for your insights and encouragement. It is helpful to hear about the long hiatus working out okay.