The way to love someone
is to lightly run your finger over that person's soul
until you find a crack,
and then gently pour your love into that crack.
~Keith Miller

Wednesday, February 29, 2012

Talking to husband about this ... this idea of a Master's in something. He is basically okay with it. Sure, whatever. He suggested I learn autocad stuff to be a person who helps people visualize what they are building. He knows I am good at spacial stuff and at seeing what isn't yet there. That would be a self taught thing (which I know I have the self discipline to accomplish, but I'd like some company ... that's a consideration for me) it would be a cottage industry type thing. He says my clients would be home builders and people wanting to add on to their homes. He suggests that I could start with an addition to our home. I know he is trying to help, but it just makes me feel aggravated for some reason. I tell him I'm not looking for another wall to beat my head against (yeah, I said it a lot nicer then that), and besides ... two more of our kids should be out of the house, up and running, in a year and space won't be at such a premium.  I seem to be digging in on a detached study with room for a pool table.   He suggests that I gather some of the documentation etc that he needs for one of his projects. He has so little time and if I want some kinda graduate assistant type thing he has plenty of stuff I can do. And ... now I am really getting aggravated. It's not that I don't want to help him, it's that I feel this particular project is ill-advised and have said so ... and have clearly stated my reasons ... yet, he continually approaches this like we've never discussed it before. He has a master plan formulating and my words of caution don't make contact. I've seen this before, my husband totally rocks long term planning ... chinking away at the resistance like a glacier cutting through layers and layers of strata.  I tell him I will do the research and brief the findings, but I won't "stick my nose in". I ask him specifically what he wants me to do and he says just be patient ... this isn't exactly the time.  Basically I said okay, and he replied ... not now, later, definitely later.

I'm not a big fan of patient. I can be patient with people and especially with my loves, but I struggle with patient in general. Patience is said to be a virtue. I may need to look in to that again. I can actually feel it ... impatience ... coursing along through me, is it in my bloodstream, the muscles? Maybe it's neurological because I feel it pinging my brain and it's not pleasant.

a-100-year-study-to-lay-plans-for-interstellar-travel   Pretty cool.  I read it yesterday, and I'd like to keep an eye on it.

This is the thing about patience ... it's like sitting and watching time run out.  I think I feel that way because I don't have a goal of my own that I'm working on.  Everything I have on my plate is a day at a time sort of thing ... I stretched today towards Friday when I have planned a pedicure (on a walk in basis).   I just don't like it.  This morning some kid wanted to shoot by in traffic and I thought ... there he is again 350HP with an ass holding the reigns ... normally I'm not so grumpy, but I have been lately.  The other day I told L that I was getting pretty tired of being the toilet bowl cleaner who swishes everyone's poop outta the back of the toilet.  He asked me which bathroom which only made me grumpier ... I shrug and scowl ... I bluster, but I don't really know what else to do.  Ummm, that's not working ... lol.  You know, you sit tight, patiently doing what is supposed to be "your part" and you think if you play honorably things will go as they should.  And then you find out that not everyone uses the same playbook.  Well ... enough of that.  The floors are looking really good.  The kids are on track ... everyone is doing really great.  I need to be looking at "thankfuls" not things that flip my switch.  I'll do a look at patience later today.

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