I am back to not sleeping well. Maybe that's just me - maybe waking up every few hours every night with each of my five babies made me a light sleeper. "Is that thunder?" I asked my husband at around five this morning. I could sense that he was also kind of awake ... I must have dozed off and on after about three. "No, some one's showering early." Sometimes I like to imagine living in a house where only two people live ... just every once in awhile.
Saw FI after ground this morning. He was scowling, "Did you ask so and so (to cover the class for me while I am out of pocket)?" "No sir," I was quick to tell him, "They did call yesterday and tell me that they would - and said they'd already spoken to you - I thought you initiated it." We'd already agreed on who I would ask. "I've spoken with dah, dah, and dah ... waiting to hear from dah3 ... still have dah4 as possibility." He wanted to know what reason was given for unable on the first couple of negative responses. "How long you gonna wait" he asked. "I'll have someone for you by early next week or it's a no go", I told him. "Okay, I'll take care of the other ... ." He said.

ps now it is later - didn't hear back from dah3 - called dah4. He said, "Sure, just tell me where you need me to be and when I need to be there and I will do it."
Have message in to FI that it's handled. Now I can start looking towards finishing this up.

My husband was quite unhappy that I would consider honoring my commitment on this class because of how he feels about my experiences out there. I said, if no one will step up to taking this class I will see it through ... and wait on the training opportunity. He says if you do that they will let you - if you tell them see y'all in a few weeks, they will find a replacement ... and if I lose the little job then so what. And I can see his point - he doesn't want his wife treated like this. As he says, a hobby is not worth this much stress. Part of this is though, for me to learn how to deal with this. Yeah - that's the reader's digest version and maybe I am an idiot (not his word) for handling this as I have but - it's what I am comfortable with. I said "I will do this." See, it's really the same thing anywhere to me - you say you'll do something - you do it. I am not a power player - I don't want to finagle (spell check took it). I'm not a strategist. I want to do what I think is right and I think I have to answer to myself for what that is. I would prefer not to be in this spot ... I won't be back in this spot again. Yes, I can see that the current situation is not as it should be, but I feel that it is important for me to do my best (even in the face of them not honoring what they said they'd do). And I think I should be more careful about what I say I'll do in the future ... and I think I should get commitments in writing ... so, I'm a late learner. I feel badly that I have made choices that brought me (and my family) to here - but all I can really do about it is the best I can see from here.

pss - and one other thing - I have the luxury of making a choice towards what I think is best because I have the support of my family. It is an amazing luxury to be as sheltered as I have been - that's the other side of the coin here. I haven't been messed around for so long that I just come out swinging. I have the luxury of looking at this as calmly as I want to. It's not about survival ... .