It's Wednesday morning. I taught last night ... collision avoidance, wind correction while taxi-ing, transfer of airplane control ... safety issues, and less formally, the realities of a very busy uncontrolled field. I finished up aerodynamics in flight and moved to airspace and airport environment. I take pride in putting together a really strong presentation twice a week. When I drove out to the airport to pick up the certification sheets I heard yet another piece of annoying ... aggravating ... just one more thick layer of stink. I getting pretty tired. Weary. Why am I doing this? How much of my life am I willing to trade for this? The syllabus puts me less than ten hours short of finishing the CFI certificate ... . New chief ... number six is on the way. What will he be like? Will he see me pre-flighting and suggest that ... if I'm going to be up and down on an airplane all day the least I could do is wear a dress ... like a previous chief? Will my efforts be marginalized because I'm not a real student? Flight training is expensive. To earn a commercial certificates you gotta expect to pay around $40,000. (250. x 160). An airplane with an instructor bills at 197 bucks here. I'm in pretty deep. I look like a person who does this for fun. That $40,000. might have bought a high performance engine wrapped in some glossy sleekness ... instead we have invested in an unrelenting source of ... what? ... I love flying. I love the challenge of executing well, I love the stretching towards the knowledge requirements, I love the process and the polishing. I just don't see why it's so difficult to hold everything together long enough to give me a shot at my check ride. How much has this break in training cost me? No way of knowing. How many molecules have I ground off my teeth fretting about the FSDOs disposition ... .

I had been sleeping a lot better. Last night I woke up three different times and told myself not to fret. Don't be sad DeAnnie ... every thing's gonna be okay. Something really needs to be okay pretty soon. I am exhausted by this load ... I don't think I can take much more.

Okay - off to ground school. Yippee.