I remember when I was first asked if I wanted to accept Christ as my savior. My grandmother was the leader of the young girl's group in her church. We, all my girl cousins, were included in every event that she planned for them. Lots of fun ... and I began to learn a little bit about Jesus along the way. One evening a guest speaker asked us if anyone wanted to give their life to Christ ... "It will change your life" he said ... and I wasn't too sure about what that might mean, but I knew I wanted to find out. I was drawn to Jesus and the notion of having his guidance in my life. I stayed behind while the others ran off to dinner and games ... I asked Jesus to change my life that night. It was a long time ago, and I really don't remember much from back then, but I do remember thinking my life was pretty much the same as it had always been. I think I was disappointed. That was such a long time ago. I remembered those words the other day when someone said, "... It will change your life." We were talking about something that would in fact very likely change my life. We were talking about physical fitness. I said I didn't think my husband would be very supportive of me "up in the gym all workin' on my fitness".. He said he thought my interest in a fit life style would encourage my husband to do the same. I don't know. I am afraid it would not be helpful to our relationship. Our relationship is a lot more important to me then me becoming a smokin' hot old lady. ... it will change your life ... I looked down to the right thinking, remembering ... it kinda creeped me out and made me a little sad to hear those exact words ... .
"The man who goes alone can start today; but he who travels with another must wait till that other is ready." ~ Thoreau. Married people do not travel alone ... We know our choices reach in to each other's lives. I would like to be more fit, I actually enjoy working out ... I do all the cooking, seems like I could dictate a very healthy diet, but I can't even keep white bread out of the grocery cart.
Here's the thing. This is gonna sound weird. It's time for me to really start thinking about what I do what. I facilitate what others want, but I rarely give a thought to what I want. The only place in my life where I see myself asserting what I want is in relation to flying an airplane. I want this heading ... this altitude ... this airspeed ... there I gotta know what I want, and I gotta make it happen. Maybe there is an aspect of being "in control" there that I haven't paid attention to before. It doesn't feel like "in control" to me, it feels like "responsible and capable". I'll be thinking about that, because I know that the real me never feels more at home anywhere then in an airplane ... and that's not even necessarily when I am PIC.
I've seen myself become some one who can identify specifically what I do not want and I can and do make that not happen. I think I need to start thinking about what I do want, because my life is getting ready to change ... and I know I want to participate in those choices. It's good ... a good thing. Maybe I was thinking about this several months ago when I noted this quote ..."The future is not a result of choices among alternate paths offered by the present, but a place that is created ... created first in the mind and will, created next in activity. The future is not some place we are going to, but one we are creating. The paths are not found, but made, and the activity of making them, changes both the maker and the destination." - Richard Bach
I told that fitness guy that I've noticed that women my age who get super fit frequently lose their husbands somewhere along the way. I know I do not want that. I also know that my husband has limited interest in physical activities ... he is comfortable structuring his life around intellectual activities and I see him trying with this trail walking thing, and I appreciate it, but, I don't think his priorities will change.
... All these years we've been planning on moving to the beach, and now with this crazy economy and our own obligations and expectations, he's thinking about another full time position. I think it is what he knows to do. Work ... . Our location would change, but his commitments would be pretty much the same. It makes sense. I understand. I'm not fretting about that, I just know that this is a time when I better participate in the choices. We are looking at a place where they would love to have him I believe. They also have a flight school. If we could both work I think that would be a best case senario. I set up a visit with them for late in December.

Psalms 37:23 The steps of a good man are ordered by the LORD: and he delights in his way.KJ

And someone's commentary:

The steps of a good man are ordered by the Lord - Margin, "established." The word rendered "ordered" means to stand erect; to set up; to found; to adjust, fit, direct. The idea here is, that all which pertains to the journey of a good man through life is directed, ordered, fitted, or arranged by the Lord. That is, his course of life is under the divine guidance and control. The word "good" has been supplied here by our translators, and there is nothing corresponding to it in the original. It is simply there, "the steps of man are ordered," etc. Yet there can be no doubt that a good or pious man is particularly referred to, for the connection demands this interpretation. The word "steps" here means his course of life; the way in which he goes.

That's what the speaker was talking about when he said accepting Christ would change my life. He was talking about my course through life. I'm not saying I'm good, just trying to keep the idea of God's watchfullness in mind. I was always perfectly safe and well tended when my dad was around ... Same thing with God, 'cept he is always around. I've seen Him make good out of my mudpies. And being able to trust hasn't changed God's actions, but it has affected how I feel about ... pretty much everything. I really like knowing that I am a person who can trust. And I like knowing that God has a eye on even little ole me. ... and as a reminder of exactly that, I am going to set up a little bird feeder outside the kitchen window ... .