Today I might have been a bit of a bitch without even trying.
The guy who hired me to ground instruct has become a friend over the years. I know this is going to sound horrible, and it kinda is, but I do not like to make friends. I tell myself that is because I am too busy just managing my own life and my family. I tell myself I really don't have time for more relationships ... and the truth is, while that is part of the truth, another part of the truth is I don't like to expose myself to the disappointments that relationships frequently seem to bring. Friends borrow your stuff and forget to return it ... friends get a tiny little piece of your heart and they just don't seem to know what you've given them. I don't mean that in a big dramatic way ... this is what I am talking about: My friend ... the guy who hired me ... I can not remember how many times I've had his back, both at the office and in his real life ... I have gone way out of my way to do whatever I could for him and his family. He has never asked me for help that I didn't figure out how to say "you betcha" to it. I genuinely like him. Today, for the first time, we had a real conversation about my last several weeks at the airport ... since the DFE showed up and reneged on what I made my decisions based on. (Yeah, stuff changes and I am really not whining about that. I am very grateful for how things have gone for me. Working out the different route built me. I think things will work out well here in the next few months. I am fortunate that everything is on track for me.) What I said to my friend today was this ... when he asked ... I think he and the other supervisor could have, should have spoken up for me when the DFE was bullying me. I said, "When the shit started flying around me you guys stepped away ... on to other things ... more important things." I've seen it before. When the military guy was in the process of being screwed ... the guys didn't show up for him. They should have. That's what I think. On the other hand, I have the luxury of speaking up because I don't have to worry about health insurance or house payments or all the security that a stable income provides. I don't discount the differences of that experience. And ... I am willing to admit that sometimes I really should keep my mouth shut. Sometimes my boots wear me ... but I am mindful of that, and reallyreallyreally working on it. See, the deal is this ... when you don't think of someone as friend or yourself as their friend, your expectations are different. I think that has been one of the real growth areas here for me. From now on the guys I work with are just work buddies ... not friends. That's that boundary stuff that I've been needing to think about. Keep it professional, not personal.