The way to love someone
is to lightly run your finger over that person's soul
until you find a crack,
and then gently pour your love into that crack.
~Keith Miller

Saturday, November 27, 2010


When I was in the midst of all the little and big fires going on at the flight school I trained at, I would wake up several times during the night trying to figure out how I was going to make it work. At some point, at least if it's your own money, you reach a tipping point ... where maybe you want to quit before you reach your goal (for a bazillion little reasons as unique to the pilot as their fingerprint) ... the guys call that a place where you are pot committed.

"Being pot committed simply means that you have so many chips already invested in the hand relative to your remaining chips, and the odds, that you have to call. Folding would be a mathematical mistake. Being pot committed happens much more in tournaments than in ring games. The reason for this is usually because as the blinds keep increasing in a tournament, the play is forced and there is more clashing with weaker hands. In a ring game there is as much time as you need, so players are all-in less. Also, the goals in the ring game are different than in a tourney. In a tourney you can play more recklessly, trying to move up the ranks. If you lose your stack you aren't nearly as concerned as if it were real money.

The typical scenarios of when you might be pot committed are as follows. Number one, if you don't have many chips left and you already invested some in a hand -- say being in the big blind when it was large or raising some only to be reraised. You know you don't have the best hand, but because you don't have many chips left and the fact that the pot is so large, you have to call. The next case of being committed is when you raise enough preflop to put more than half your chips in the pot. Sure you can still fold if someone reraised you, but since you have so many chips in the pot, it wouldn't be correct. See, say you have 100 chips and raised 50, only to be reraised to 100. The pot is now at least 150 chips, and you only have to put in 50 more to play. At that point it is correct by the math to call because you are getting 3:1 on your money and most hands in holdem aren't that bad
. " http://www.learn-texas-holdem.com/



What I liked, well, one of the important things I liked, about those particular training experiences was that the stakes were high for me ... as a person. My flight instructor said he'd never seen anyone who wanted to excel at this as much as I did. As I recall, he said that right after I realized exactly how not funny pot committed really is ... . Some time before that he had shared, in his round about way, about a person he loved (Hell no, he didn't say that) who went down on a routine training flight. I think, although he never said this, I think he thought I should be very happy (hear safe)maybe painting pictures of airplanes, or maybe cloud shapes. He doesn't know that I paint. What he does know ... what he learned about me ... is I really love to fly well ... but more then that, I see the airplane as a vehicle that takes the pilot towards who they eventually become ... better versions of themselves. There's some sort of inexplicable buzz that rising to the challenge downloads right in to your laugh out loud place. There is joy there. It took awhile to bring him around to the facts ... One, that I would earn a CFI certificate, and two, that he was gonna help me do that. At least, I really hoped so ... because he was the person I really wanted to work with on this very important (to me) project. I thought I was safe to trust him ... he seemed like a person who could make a commitment and not let me down along the way. I also felt that he would be able to provide objectivity along the way ... his experience level as a pilot and as a person, made him the ideal instructor for me to work with ... I respect him. I remember him nodding when I said something about this: "Most men lead lives of quiet desperation and go to the grave with the song still in them." ~ Thoreau
I told him that I know something about death myself ... and worse yet, is the life unlived ... which I have also witnessed. I promised him I would be very careful with my earthsuit. He laughed when I jokingly told him that this (pointing up) was the only place where my children can't find me.

Later, with the temporary certificate in hand we debriefed the ride. It was a non event actually ... the time learning what the Inspector had to offer was the most significant part of the ride. The FI asked me, again in his round about way, what it was that working specifically with him contributed. I told him I would have to think specifically about that.

Part of it is this: "Friends... they cherish one another's hopes. They are kind to one another's dreams." ~ Thoreau

Another part of it is this ... many of the CFIs I've trained with over the years are really just guys who need to build time towards their hopes and dreams. That's okay. I get it. It's the way this industry works. On another hand, I have benefited tremendously from flying with guys who have a ton of experience, but no hopes and dreams ... not exactly burnt out, but more like killing time while they figure out who they are gonna be next. Those experiences were a little bit better then okay. Experience is like a patina ... there's a little something extra that just might rub off on the student. Then there's this ... this guy. I think he's teaching just because he wants to ... he says he wants to grow tomatoes too. [I told him some tomato buckets would receive plenty of light right over there near the fence out on the field. He said there is a dear problem with that. (His sweetheart is retiring pretty soon.) The guy is seriously witty.] I am still learning stuff from this guy. But most of what he taught me wasn't about flying the airplane. Part of what he provided was a place for me to learn about myself ... and he didn't mind elbowing me towards better outcomes. I think he is at a time in his life where he can tend to the hopes and dreams of his students. It seems to me that, ideally, that is who a Flight Instructor is.

At some point in this process I told some of the guys ... "If you're in this long enough you finally get it ... Aviation is like, Welcome to the tribe, oh, and by the way, we're cannibals." Yeah, they know I wasn't really kidding ... and yeah, we all laughed. A bit cynical ... booted.

Some of what I learned from sitting beside this guy was: Be aware, ... there are various size pieces of flying metal up here (those may be the least of your worries). There is shrapnel flying in the bravo sierra level too (Everybody does their time there as well ... expect it ... it's part of it.) Just because I wish the whole airspace was painted various shades of sun/moon washed blue doesn't mean it can be.

Maybe it can be summarized like this: Wear your boots, you know you're most comfortable in them, but don't let your boots wear you ... enjoy ...

... don't piss in the wading pool ... it ruins it for everyone.

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

"Oh, and by the way, we're cannibals" is exactly frickin' correct. Sort of like lions eating their young.

DeAnn said...

It's funny to reread AC60-22(ADM) with this analogy in mind. The ability to adapt to the nugget of truth in a statement like this says something about the acceptable base line on the stress-o-meter that successful pilots operate at ... until they don't. I'm going to be thinking about this. I see more "resigned" then I would expect from the primary students ... it would be interesting to monitor the results of a retest as they gain in competency and experience.