Saturday, June 18, 2011
blog stuff - just looking for my little place to sit and think written 28 Sept 2009
A note from today, 18 June 2011: I don't remember when I started writing down my thoughts here on True North. It was some time before Sept. 2009. Those older posts were deleted when I realized how public these blogs can be. I glad I continued to write.
I'm trying to decide what to do about this blog. I'm not very sophisticated about this stuff. I know journaling is something that works for me - a way to see my progress through stuff over several weeks - or longer. I used to keep a journal - that same teacher - Mrs Cook suggested it. I haven't kept my journals from the early teen years through college. I felt a lack of privacy. This is like the apex of not private. what I thought was I could share this with my friends who are distant - one of them blogs and feels comfortable with it - that's where the idea came from - the other is my childhood friend - she knows me better than I know myself in a strange way - what I didn't realize when I started this is that anyone can see all of the entries pretty much whenever they want to. I thought - stupidly - that the posts were kinda a one day thing - now my daughter said search your name and see what pops up = and it's more than I thought.That's kinda too weird. It's too public - I don't mind being open - but this is like too much information. My husband - who I don't want to keep private from necessarily says I need to "spice this up a little" - that pisses me off because I am not trying to entertain anyone here - I think of this as closed - as my way of sorting thru my stuff. I don't mind strangers popping in but I'm not crazy about - say everyone knowing I don't like hanging out with my mom...
What I decided to do was just delete everything. I can put the stuff I pull from the Internet here and just journal the more private stuff on widows and print it all off to combine later - It surprises me how helpful it has been to write my thoughts down and then come back and look at them. Sometimes I say stupid stuff that if I'd seen it in writing a day later I wouldn't have said it like that. I don't think of my self as a passionate person - I used to get pretty pissed and talk mean but I thought I had stopped that...now I see that I let stuff pile up until it boils over - not even necessarily where all the heat is coming from - that's the sad part. That last little piece of mess that was added at the point of too much ............became a totally different mess. Now I am getting myself sad about something I can do nothing else about...and I am tired of feeling sad about this...somethings you just gotta let go of...you just gotta put them in Gods hands.