The way to love someone
is to lightly run your finger over that person's soul
until you find a crack,
and then gently pour your love into that crack.
~Keith Miller

Thursday, June 30, 2011

thinking about that green arc stuff from Nov 2009

It is important to conduct my routine activities with in that "green arc". That sets up some consistency or steadiness within normal operations.
image borrowed from photo bucket ... Iow, not my faux flight. I'm a bit surprised to read 145kts, there about on a high final ... Just glad to find a photo of some green arcs. Is this that Microsoft flightsim stuff?

That day, several months ago, when the doors of my life popped open unexpectedly wasn't because of something I was doing or had any say in. It was me trusting someone who'd let me down before, with a forgiven - moving past this - state of the relationship. I was doing what I believed was my best. (It has been such a relief to me that if I am in fact doing my best then that's it - can't do any better than that.) Then I asked that question - are you still doing or not doing what we agreed to? And the answer was - Sorry, really sorry, but I am back to doing what I was doing when I promised I wouldn't do it. So - Sometimes, I guess a lot of the time is really more accurate, unanticipated stuff happens. They call it life. It's all interwoven and maybe even mostly beautiful. When that sad day came I just wanted to close my eyes and open them only when I was flying or could hear one of my family calling to me. Some days aren't normal operations days. Some days unexpected crap comes flying at you out of no where. Some times maybe you're distracted by stuff that has to matter less...or your people who matter are dodging their own private crap. Life is messy - you gotta dress for it. I am trying to reconcile this stuff. I am trying to answer to God for my own stuff and let everyone else exercise their prerogative to do the same thing. It seems like this is a major "piece" of the "trusting God" puzzle.

It sure would be nice if we could "time" the crap in life to fly at us more like a baseball - something we could have a shot at hitting out of the playing area.... I think I can sense that stuff happening now - is it happening or is it a shadow? That's the sucky thing about not trusting people you need to be able to trust ... it undermines the foundations that relationships are built on. It makes me vigilant...unsure...insecure...not cherished. Can I wait for the mud to settle and the water to clear - I think I must. I think I just gotta keep on asking God to think about this for me and ... restore to me a clean heart and renew a right spirit with in me... . I gotta do my part.

What I am thinking is that the green arc is an analogy for normal operations - trusting God - I'm thinking about the ASI - You can make adjustment with in the range and there is room for that, but there are dangers on either side of outside the arc. I'm thinking about how central "trusting God" is - how good it is. Not good behavior, good comfort - stabilizing - steadying. Unfortunately people let each other down...people can't always be trusted. But maybe trust in God can supersede that. Maybe it is unrealistic to expect people to be rock solid like God is...on the trust thing. I don't want to monitor people - people I need to trust or anyone else. I want to trust God and let him work out the details. I want to rest and that is what I'm talking about. Me trusting or not doesn't shape the outcome, but God can.

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