Thursday, June 9, 2011
Okay so the trust post which I have re-posted here was originally written in Oct 2009 . .. about twenty months ago. Trust. I feel so much better about trust stuff. Before, I was having trouble with a sort of all or nothing approach to trusting and really, now I think that is flawed as a procedure ... it's a failed template. I truly believe that God is totally trustworthy ... and if only we could see the big picture, we would accept that as truth. So ... the notes I have made along the way here on True North actually support that opinion. I don't write about all my stuff because it just too private, but these notes remind me of the larger story. I addressed this page "between the radials" as a pun on between the lines ... things left unsaid. Well ... here I am having spent time trying to find God ... following the advice of seek and you will find ... quite frankly, I had my doubts. This is the blog version of what I have discovered so far ... it may seem irreverent but it is certainly not intentionally so.
Again ... I am no theologian and don't want to sway any one's thinking except maybe to say ... find out for yourself ... these are notes on my journey.
God seems to be a lot more interested in a personal relationship then I had previously believed ... that's a feeling I get. I thought he might be busy in other ... more critical areas ...busy like I am busy, running around putting out fires. I bet He does do quite a bit of that. He also seems to be gently blowing on some little sparks trying to start a fire ... a good fire ... the kind that purifies rather then destroys. In my own little life on this great big little ball which is spinning through time and space (and doesn't even really seem to be moving at all) I have experienced ... healing. I thought the best I could do was look out for others along the way and pour what little bit of love I might be able to on them ... love others from as big a distance as I could possible keep ... I like a big bubble ... I may hug you, but please do not try to hug me, In other words, You can trust me, but I'm not willing to take a chance ... risk ... trusting you. I had been burned (like every one else ... I know) ... and for some reason I was having trouble "getting over it". There are a lot of walking wounded. There are a lot of places where I've never been ... places that citizens of the planet just recognize even if they have no stamps on their passport ... we know about those places because we have seen pictures. Or an experience that we read about, and close the book with some empathy or at least an inkling. So ... I wanted a picture of what trusting might look like and over these last several months, I've had several opportunities to see what that feels like and looks like to me. It's good. I like how it feels. The very deep waters of trust are surprising easy to swim in ... float in. I'm not writing about it very clearly right now ... I just want to note that it's been turning out that God does care about the little things ... that's what I think I've noticed. And probably an even bigger surprise is that he seems to have a sense of humor ... I have felt like He just might be laughing with me as I discover how outrageous He seems to be. I guess the creator of the universe doesn't fit in a box ... He doesn't feel compelled to color inside the lines that we have drawn around him. He is a lot cooler then I thought possible.