wonder why trust is such a big deal to me (Written in 2009)

Trust ... Written in 2009. I was working pretty hard on trust ... Trusting people so that I could look at the possibility of trusting God. A friendship blew-apart quite suddenly. I "trusted" this person. A good person. Some of their baggage fell out of the overheads on a day that my "stuff" was all over the place. The situations had nothing to do with each other, just two people over loaded with private issues. We "zinged" each other. We haven't talked since, though I think I did try. I ended up learning a lot of important stuff right here in the fall out from this mess. I could have been compassionate. I could have maybe compartmentalized my stuff better. Instead ... I went for the jugular. Lol. Friend did too. No survivors of this friendship. (note added 2012 three and a half years later. I wish friend well)


I am starting to think about this in a different way - I am trying to look at it from a different vantage point - I am trying to understand why trust is so fragile - almost beyond my ability to live with in - so hard to put into practice. I think I am trustworthy. I think honesty is part of that and I definitely try to be honest. I believe I am someone who can be trusted. I have trouble trusting other people -
these are some of my note/quotes/ideas on trust. I do believe I can trust God and I think that is primary and maybe even "enough"...
"when you can't trace his hand, trust his heart." It's easy to confuse my experiences with life with my expectations about God. and yet they are not even comparable... and... I may be expected to be able only to act within my experiences... lately I have worked on trust...I chose to trust someone and it went really well for a while ... the person didn't become untrustworthy but somethings bad happened in some other areas in my life and I was suddenly rolled up like a pill bug unable to trust anyone and all I am really trying to do is see a way - my way clear to trust God - I think that doesn't get stronger by practicing trust even "on" trustworthy people ... it's not like lifting weights so that I may build a stronger body so that someday i may be able to run through the wet sand with grandchildren...it's just something like faith...we just do it This is one of my areas - I am trying to do some basic life work here - I think some resolution to this issue would be nice to grow old with...I am glad that I don't hold animosty towards those who have hurt my trust - I realize that we are all messed up and most of the people I hang around with are genuinely trying to do their best.

"We're never so vulnerable than when we trust someone - but paradoxically,if we cannot trust, neither can we find love or joy"


"To be trusted is a greater compliment than being loved."


"The two pillars of 'political correctness' are:
a) willful ignorance
b) a steadfast refusal to face the truth”
~George MacDonald


The key is to get to know people and trust them to be who they are. Instead, we trust people to be who we want them to be- and when they're not, we cry.” ~idk

"Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn't it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these defenses, you build up a whole suit of armor, so that nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life...You give them a piece of you. They didn't ask for it. They did something dumb one day, like kiss you or smile at you, and then your life isn't your own anymore. Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so simple a phrase like 'maybe we should be just friends' turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart. It hurts. Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind. It's a soul-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain. I hate love.”
~Neil Gaiman quotes


“Love comes when manipulation stops; when you think more about the other person than about his or her reactions to you. When you dare to reveal yourself fully. When you dare to be vulnerable.”~Dr.Joyce Brothers


"Love means exposing yourself to the pain of being hurt, deeply hurt by someone you trust."
~idk
"Faith is not belief without proof, but trust without reservation"

~idk

You see THAT girl, yeah her. She seems so invincible right. but just touch her & she'll flinch.She has secrets & she trusts no one.she's the perfect example of betrayal. cause everyone she trusted, broke her ~idk

"Someone who trusts can never be betrayed, only mistaken"~idk

T S Eliot
"No soul is desolate as long as there is a human being for whom it can feel trust and reverence. "Those who trust us educate us."

"You must live in the present,launch yourself on every wave,find your eternity in each moment."
"To be a philosopher is not merely to have subtle thoughts, nor even to found a school, but to so love wisdom as to live according to its dictates a life of simplicity, independence, magnanimity and trust.”
~Henry David Thoreau - you gotta adore Thoreau