The way to love someone
is to lightly run your finger over that person's soul
until you find a crack,
and then gently pour your love into that crack.
~Keith Miller

Thursday, June 2, 2011

My recollection of the Commercal checkride ... after the bird notes

The birds have been such a pleasure to watch.  There are five babies ... their nest is so crowded now that they appear to be a glop of feathers.  Several times I have seen two adult birds there feeding and tending to the nest.  Could it possibly be a shared nest ... or maybe a helper bird sister.  This morning they were both there and facing my window.  I never get a decent shot through the glass and screen, but my trusty Canon Power shot was ready ... just in case.  One of the birds immediately flew away as I not so stealthily approached the window.  I think the momma bird is just used to me now.  The other bird perched on the rose vine just a little down the way from the nest ... and I saw him.  That answers that question.  I have seen him before ... earlier in this process.  He has a poppy red throat and face with a red hooded robe which mutes to grayish brown over his pearly pajamas pants... yeah, that's what it looks like here early in the morning.  Momma bird is quiet by comparison. She is a lovely petite tidy thing ... already in starched white and jeans, stone washed to brown, for the day ... with  discreet black beaded eyes.  She is on task.
What is important to her ... I wonder.  She tends her nest.  I see her out ... busy ... in my front yard ... she rocks the insect hunt!  I've seen her walking in the flowerbed ... strolling among the hostas and hydrangeas.  Maybe that's her I hear singing from the pecan tree.  Is she always nearby?  She is a graceful flyer ... do her wings carry her to a place where she cannot see the nest.  I doubt it.
This nest is getting ready to become empty.  I have had the great pleasure of seeing this before and I pray I will be nearby to see this batch take flight. 
I wish I could identify the type ... .  Uh oh!  I am remembering my Granny's sister.  O'Chesas was my Gran's older sister (Granny's name was Grace Eunice ... her dad pronounced it U nee cee).  G'Aunt O'Chesas looked 100% American Indian save the scariest icey blue eyes you've ever seen (really ...like the new James Bond).  For that reason alone I was petrified of her!  Part of my annual visit with my grandparents included berry picking with my Great Aunt ... her little granddaughter made the trip over from California each summer.  Once the berries were picked, we were free to sit and giggle on the sun porch while the sisters made jelly ... or jam ... delicious sun drenched delight in a bell jar.  The reason I recall this as I sit here thousands of minutes and miles away is my aunt carried binoculars on these berry picking expeditions and would entreat us to leave plenty for the birds.  Sometimes I would try to see what she saw through the field glasses.  Mostly though, her interest in the birds just added to her mystique!  I grew up in Houston ... birds were of the steel variety ... or at the zoo.  I bet she would know the name of this variety of bird ... I can only guess that it is a finch of some sort.  I cannot find a picture of either of them online.

I hear a C172 flying over right now.  All the bird chatter ceased as the biglittle metal bird cast a long shadow on the ground.  Sigh. 
Here's something which might be interesting.  My husband, who has known me for quite some time made the observation last night that I am not a good Christian.  That is probably true.  He says I have a good heart.  For some reason ... probably something inappropriate...  but really I don't know why even after I thought about it ... for some reason that made and continues to make me laugh.  No, I do not think being a not good Christian is funny ... I think it's funny to hear someone say that and then to follow up with ... but you have a good heart.  I'm pretty sure I know what has earned me the label of being not a good christian ... it is related to being not a good wife ... though God knows I try!  I used to try to live up to someone elses standards.  Uh ... that's a no go no matter how much you are willing to try.  There is not a PTS for this stuff ... at best it is an erratically moving target ... like something gone awry on the carnival midway!  I stopped squaring up to take aim a few years ago ... now I shoot from the hip ... and wish for a Jedi sword instead of my little pea shooter!  Hahaha ... well, I may regret making light of this some day, but for today it's what I got to work with.  On the way out the door this morning my husband suggested I might want to spend the next two weeks (yes two) doing a study on what a good Christian is.  I think I will take that idea to heart.  Seriously, wouldn't that be an interesting thing to research ... wrap my head around.
I'm willing to postulate ...
There are no good Christians.  Harsh maybe ... surely that is untrue.  I'll try again.  Good Christians are hard to find.  People who are Christians may hope for a few good moments ... they are as messed up as everyone else.  The good in good christian comes from the good of Christ ... to go to the good mode a christian will be Christlike.  To use my metaphor ... I may appear to be Christlike only when Christ is flying my plane (earth suit) ... to me this earth experience seems like the very beginning of primary flight instruction ... the instructor coaches and demonstrates ... the student shows up aware, prepared, and ready to work ... they both hope for moments of sheer glory during each little flight, but the instructor is aware that the potential exists for ... a big stinking mess!  Hahaha ... thank God that Christ opted to step in and take the test for me.  I am a long ways from Christlike ... .  Some mornings it's all I can do to get the engine to crank!  I know that I will not be up to par when the day comes for my big oral in the sky!  I have a pile of questions and not many answers as I approach the day that I will have to answer for myself!  This is what I hope I will be able to say, if I am able to speak at all ... I want to be able to say, from my heart,  I did my best.
 I remember being nervous before my commercial check ride.  That was definitely my most worrisome check ride pre the actual event. 

One of my buddies said, "Look ... go over there and do your best."
"What if I can't fly my best that day?" I asked
He said ..."Oh, you won't ... nobody ever does.  The best you can hope for is your best effort on that particular day during those particular moments.  Are you going to go over there and mess it up on purpose, or are you going to go over there and do your best for those moments?"
"I will be doing my best ... what if my best isn't good enough?"
"That happens a lot with people," he said and he told me some disheartening percentage of people who fail their first attempt at the commercial ride for one reason or the other ... he continued, "if your best isn't good enough, you'll come back over here and fix it ... and reschedule.  Your best  is by definition all ya got to work with ... just do your best." 

I liked the examiner when I first laid eyes on him ... he looked like a decent guy.  To be honest, I think they put their pants on one leg at a time just like everyone else.  I would expect to get pinged if I were in error ... or if there was a point of disparity somewhere ... I really expect to hear some constructive criticism or a jewel of info that I am unaware of ... the inspectors are supposed to know and see things that I miss at my experience level. 

I'm going to go ahead and write about that check ride.  I forgot to bring the Aircraft's maintenance records ... I called one of my buddies and he flew it over while the inspector drank black coffee and scowled at me.  I could feel sweat forming in the bends of my knees, and in the folds of my arms where blood is drawn.  I was trying really hard to compose an agreeable expression on my face ... wondering how a slight smile might be received. 

When I saw my bud's plane I excused myself from the huge cold conference room ... waited for a few in the lobby for shut down and then moved somewhat weakly towards my smiling friend and the maintenance logs ... "Here you go Slick ... niner seven Bravo Sierra"  he said thrusting the heavy books towards me with a big sloppy smile.
"I am in seven eight Delta." I choked out  my eyes imploring ... please let this be a joke.
"Yeah ... just messing with you ... you just made this about ten times harder on yourself ... you know that right?!" He turned away laughing ... and he threw back over his shoulder, "Oh, and if you screw the pooch on this, you owe me lunch for getting me involved  ... " when he was several steps away he turned around and winked saying ... "Go get 'em ... the screw up part is over now!"
The oral portion was ... longish ... surprisingly light on the ins and outs of the aircraft logbook but heavy on the REGS ... I was well prepared for that, there were just a lot of them.  I felt really good about the oral and while he went to the break room I walked up and down the hall, trying to get some strength back in my legs ... I told myself the hard part was over ... now for some fun.
The flight went well. We did start out as though we would fly the planned Xcty ... there was a divert ... I don't remember a lot of the beginning of the flight ... I clicked in memory wise at a point where I was able to identify two little airports which I had noticed as I studied the sectional for this unfamiliar area ... "Now I really know where I am" I thought.  I like knowing where stuff is in reference to where I am.  He was ready to move on to looking over the maneuvers.
Honestly, I glanced at his hands during the Lazy Eight ... it was so perfect that I thought someone else must be flying it ... he was the only other pilot in the plane.  He said  "Okay, let's descend for some low work ... " and I ... well, I must have been pretty buzzed on that delicious LZ8 ... I asked, "Do you want an emergency descent?"  I knew I had probably stepped in it when I saw how surprised he was by my question ... "Yeah" was all he said and I set up for it and called a field ... then he said, "Let's go ahead and simulate an emergency landing ... stay with it."  As I spiraled down I went through the procedures ... mentally kicking myself  ... .  "How low do you want me to go?" I asked trying to mentally grab for what would be no lower then 500'agl ... he said  "Just fly it, I wanta see how this works out." I committed to keeping my mouth shut right about then.   "Okay, good ..." he said when we were over the gate ... I went full power.  Next he asked for the Eights-On ... one of my favorite maneuvers.   I called the first pylon and he said, "Go ahead and start the maneuver if you're ready, I will call the other pylon for you.  Heck yeah  I thought but said, "Yes sir."  He said applicants tend to call their pylons too wide for his preference and he pointed out a tower while I adjusted for a pretty tight little turn.  Lovely ... fun ... two laps.  He told me to go back up to 3000'MSL and when I got there he asked me if I knew where the airport was ... I pointed at it.  He asked me could I make it from here if I suddenly lost power and I said ..." No way ... this thing glides like a rock".  He laughed.  "Okay ... le'ts head back and you pull the power when you think we can make the field ... straight in."  I tuned up the AWOS ... things went as planned. First landing ... power off glide to a very sweet little soft touch down. He said it was very nice and then, "Let's see the short field landing to a short field take off." I was a little worried about if he was clear on the TD point I called ... the runway really needed some fresh paint and I think I called an intersection rather then a point on a stripe ... it's been awhile, but there was something potentially fuzzy there and I was concerned about messing up  at that point in the flight.  Check rides for me are like an emotional roller coaster ... thrilling nail biters ... no screaming allowed!  Next he wanted to see my Power Off 180 (a favorite of mine) and just before the flare he said we had coyotes on the field ... I was at 20 degrees of flaps ... full power. Before I made the crosswind turn, he said, "Well, congratulations ... you passed."  I was pretty happy.  He said, "Y'all are ahead on your training but behind on your equipment."   I asked him if he would like to fly the final landing and passed control over to him on the downwind ... he smoked the landing ... also a power off 180.  I told him our pilots have to fly better when they are in 78D ... we know that an actual emergency is a strong possibility in this old girl (may she rip).

My best that day ... was good enough.  It was probably my best ride.  The main thing I learned that day was this ... Your Best is your best.  That's what I am shooting for. 

I'm just trying to do my best (most days).

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